The Backspace Project
by TheChickWithTheAwesomeUsername
Summary: This is what happens when I'm bored (and high on sugar). When I disallow the use of the backspace button. And basic logic. And grammar. And editing. And sanity. Plus bad references. Really, really bad references. My dear friend, welcome to The Backspace Project. (I am not responsible for any major brain cell loss, injuries or insanity. Batteries not included.)
1. Battle of the nerds

**Includes Ron, Harry, Percy, Hermione and Annabeth. Oh yeah, and insanity. And bad grammar. And random references. Tell me if you get any of them!**

* * *

Omg ren quealed i love qwone directive i kno write, dey r so awesome. Persassy qsquelaeedsquealed, omg theres this concert and loike my dad, Aphrodite got me tickets how awespome is that! !

Ren ron gasped,. Heis jaw resting on the ground, NO WAY.

Yes way, gurl. They (attractively) bumped fists and hugged each other, cry ing and sobbing with the sheer feel,afeels. I luve zaynes ron speales i, personally love harry, percy admitted shamlessly

Harry jumpinecded in.

Nofing no f-ing way, HARRY IS MYINE! He roared feminenly, beating his chest and wielding a shovel.

Percy took out riptide, and with perecise and perfect aim, nailed the wall 1238o47289037m above harry with a thud. harry peed his pants amnyways.

Ginny jumped in, weielding a portal gun. NOONE TOUCHES HMY ICKLE HARRYKINS she roared , tazering ron.

Hermione then fell and tripped over ginny, faceplanting on the ground. Erk, she squeaked.

I love Justin beiber.

The dueo====TRIO of bboys turned their heads slowly, eerily staring at Hermione,.

What did you say, Percy whispered softly, taking a Britannica dictionary out of his jeans.

Harry and ron slowly vbruot brout out their own weapons of choice.

Harry, a fubnside s yellow chair filled with polka dots and moles and carrots.

Ron, an encyclopedia of loife.

Hermione backed away slowlty, clicking the rebig red button.

Annabeth then came and kicked Hermione in the face.

DONT CLICK THE BIG RED BUTTON she screamed

Pethe trio of boys started chantlying earpiecingly

NERD OFF NERD OFF NERD OFF NERD OFF NERD OFF

tHEuy started to circle each other, each holding a pink credit card

e=mc2?

36 screamed Annabeth, throwing it onto the ground, howling in triumph.

asdMNEBw3gjkDVQYYYYYYYRT466666125834?

pERCY muttered

d, Hermione said, choking as Annabeth strangled her from behind with the string theory.

9+10?

Annabeth, strepiing on hermiones card

21! she howled, beating her chest

Hermione preesssed the big blue button as her pface turned purple

Popcorn exploded everywhere.

Annabeth groaned in horror, melting into the ground

Popcorn! Our fatal weakness!

Hermione was comfuddled.

Our?

She looked down and her feet had dissolved. Oh, right.

* * *

**Aha. Don't kill me. Flames shall be extinguished with my handy fire hose.**

**Batteries not included.**


	2. Drew is overreacting

Drew qwas going through puberty. Now, this wasn't very rare or unknown or whatever, but this...process of growing up came with some...unneccarcessety (okay, that failed) things.

Mood swings, for example.

Also, pimples.

Anyways, back to the story. If you can call it one.

Drew woke up, bouncing awake on her water bed which was made of sunshine and rainbows and unicorn sprinkles and all that jazz.

Gunter! Fetch me my robe sjhye screamed sassiiklly. Gunter the sassy penguin entered, snapping hus flippers in a lpopsided z

A mirror sufddnly appeaered in front ohf her.  
APHRODITE ! she squellked, excited. Her expression quickly changed int o discust.

EWWWW MUMOM(?) ARE YOU KISSING arES?

Aphrodite dislocated her mouth with a sickening "pop"

Sorry hun. Must've preswsed the wrong nbnbioputtomn button. Broadcasting to olypus, a tinny voice emitting from the mirror said tinnily.

AHHHHHHHH STUPID, IDIOTIC, FARKING, SHISTING FJSBN,JNB,DFKNBKN WHY HEPHESTUS! WWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY:::"""", APHOSITE Yelped angrily.

She hit a button and the mirror went blank.

Drew simply sat thrtr, her mouth opened i n dsilent horror.

Gunter the penguin (who happened to be3 sassy) cautiously waddled up to her, tapping her face expererimentally.

"aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" She screamed tin horror, waking SmaUg the unwakable.

wHat", Gunter said squeakily, backing away slowly, snapping his flippers as he want.

I HAVE A PIPMMMPLE ON MY BEAUTIFUL; FACE,. IT IS F;LAWING MY BEAUTY! IT IS KILLING MY AWESOMENESS AURA!

fREd and George Weasley dsuddennly appeared, reeling back at the sight of an adolescent Drew.

"We heard you needed a pimple remover.;?

Drew nodde3d eagerly, lunging forward asnd grabbing the tiny jar between freds fingers. Sjhe stuffied it on her face, spreading it on every available crevasise amd cranny and nook./

Unfortunately for jher, that was not thew pimple remover, it was the pimple CREATOR. Pimples spread everywhere, poppingup wherever the cream was spread.

She topok a deep breath and took a knife out of her makeup bag.

She looks like Eloise midgen...Fred said, not sure whether to laugh or not.

Agin, Drew kungeedn at hte twinfd, but unlucky for them, it was not otto buy their merchandise.

Lets go? Fred asiked. Lets go, George confirmed. They apparated out, but not before Drew took a few swings at them with her knife.

Drew makeup travel;lded to somewhere, ANYWHERE who could change grher apperanvce.

She arrived at an ice palace where there was lots of random statues of ani mals and peole and satyrs and stuff.

"Well-", she said, but then was interrupted by the White Witch.

Drew than tgurn ed into stone.

**EITHER A FEW MINUTES, DAYS, WEKEKS OR MONTHS OR YEARS LATER**

Aslann was random ly breathing overts stone stT ues . why? Cause hehe could. Deal with ut.

He thsn saw tUMNUs tye faun. He skipped dignified ly over to him. Breathing over him, he grinned as his acne covered friend fell over.

"WHERE THE HELL AM I " TumnusS SCREAM,ED IN AA RATHER HIGH PITCHECD VOIEC.

HElooked down. WHY IN HADES DO I HAVE GOATS LEHS?!

AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GO AWAY LION! I DID NOTHING TO HURT YOU~! GO AWAY!HE Wscreamed whemn he saw Aslan.

Tumnus, are you alright?

MY NAME ISNT TOMNURS ITS DREW YOU IDIOT

"Drew" themn proceeded to attack him with a rather jnssharp jknife.

"Well shist", Aslan said as jhe ran away from the crazy knife and eyelimner wieldim faun.

* * *

**I don't know what happened here. I'm sorry.**


	3. John Lennon

**Hi! I'm alive! Actually, this was done aagggeeesss ago, but I sort of forgot to post it.**

**Whoops?**

**So basically this is from the scene from TGoF when it's the feast and Nearly headless Nick is like: ****HOUSE ELVES!**

**And Hermione is like: WTF? FOOD STRIKE!**

**And yeah. Also, Percy is there as well. **

* * *

And she (Hermione) refused to eat another bite. While glaring at Ron and Percy as they stuffed their faces with food, of course.

The plates shimmered and piles of desserts replaced the normal food. Percy looked delighted, and immediately began gathering biscuits and cakes, and basically everything in his reach. But, being the oddity that he was, he only ate the blue desserts. Harry looked at him (percy) oddly, opening his mouth to ask.

"Twadihon", he said, as best as he could with his mouth full of pudding.

Ginny sighed. "How are you not fat?"

He shrugged.

"Esherfise?"

Ron grinned. "Do you even lift, bro?"

Ginny roundhouse kicked Ron in the face.

"NEVER SAY NEVER!", she squealed.

Harry flipped his hair awesomely.

"Never."

Ginny kicked Harrys pudding. He groaned, doubling over.

"ARgh. My puddinf."

Percy gasped masculityfully,.

"NO NOT THE PUDDING ANYTHING BUT THE PUDDING.

IN The background, DUmbo the elephant and Dumbledore had a rap-batlle.

"DeNile aint just a river in Egypt, ya know", SAID DUMBO, snapping his ears sassily.

Dm bledore sat down sadly.

"BUT I LOVE GRINDLWEWALD and we were meant to be together and mrfd vlajnrnv"

Dumbo patted his shouldwer sympathetically, pickpocketing his wallet.

"LOLLYPOPS", HE bwellowed, and suddenly 2 people appeared.

Carter latched on to Zias feet.

"LOVE ME DO"

'Get off me, peasant."

John Lennon strummed his face in the background.

_Suddenly, pineapples._

Sadie appearsed, maing out wotj Amnubis/walt.

"WHAT THE FAWKE ANUBIS I THIGUGHT I COULD COULD TYTURUST YOU And then yiou go making out with my sisterjn and sfmgtenkand masts.

Carter sank to the ground, writhing in agony.

Fawkw appeared, and scratched anubises eyes out.

"SCHIST SCHISTSCHISTSCHIST"

HE WAS THEN SUDDENLY SQUASHED BY A LARGE PILE OF NUNS. ST. AGNES. SCHIST. He cried.

Suddenly, Mickey Mouse appeared.

"O ha i o go za i masu!", he cried

"Oh hell naw. You anint sabotation my dictionary.

Said minny mouse

Ohayo gozaimasu said the Japanese rodent

Meow,.

Leo came running around the cornwer, chased by slavering fangirls-and boys.

"HELP ME"HE CRIED. CAPlipso vault poled vaulted her way to the front of the crowd.

DON WORRRRY HUBBBY ILLLLLL SAVE YOOUU

SHE NINJA KICKED Rachel out of the way.

FINISH HER, a strange voice boomed. Green smoke billowed out o strande smoke machines.

Dorothy joined Calypso, judo flipping Minnie mouse and dodging sabre tooth tigers. She fought her way to the front and kicked a curtain over. Inside was a black furred dog.

"TOTO WHY THE HAIL ARE YOU MASQUERADING AS AN EVIL MAGICIAN.

A giant head floated past.

Ill GET YOU AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOOOOOOOOO!

Its voice trailed off as it smashed into a wall.

As stated before, it was a giant hea.d.

So, when it hit the wall, it created quite an almight y crash.

]And, basically the wall fell down.

Which, then, like dominos, dominified.

Dominified.

I just created a new word.

Dominified.

Dominified.

Dominified.

Okay, back to the topic.

The wall was part of the great wall, and so basically all Hogwarts fell down and everyone died.

**THE END.**

Hogwarts didn't have insureance against giant heads (though they did have insurance for large craniums) so thats wh it died and killed everyone and-

The author has died because a remote controlled coconut has givemn her a concussion and sharks then proceeded to drown her in their sweat.

. . . . .

. . . . . . . . . ... . .

. .

. . . .. . ... .

. ... . ... . . ... .

.

Find out what that says in Morse code.

:D

* * *

**I actually don't know what happened here. This was originally a part of a chapter from my story **Kidnapped (sort of) **, but my attention sort of drifted and...yeah.**

**There is a** lot **of random references in there.**

**I don't know. I don't know. I AM A TOWERING MOUNTAIN OF IGNORANCE, say it with me. I. DON'T. KNOW!**

**Haha. I love the vlogbrothers.**


	4. Badly Written Imitation of Roald Dahl

**This piece of shist contains badly written limericks, Gandalf, harry potter, Shakespeare and slight traces of legolas.**

* * *

Hermione sat down to do some work. Why? BECAUSE IT WAS QUIDDITCH FINALS! SHE NEEDED TO SHOW HER SUPPORT FPR TJE, ADMITTEDLY, STUPID SPORT.

She paudsed "What sgould I do first?" Should I do Arithmancy or Necromancy or Charms of Treansfiguration orportions otr divination-oh wait thats right i don't do divination. Whoops.;

She shook her sleevesd out buisineessfulllikely out ad drew out her quill of quillian . ever so gently, she put thxxx dipped the point in ther inkwell and ever so gently put the nib on a piece of parchment that ranfdomnely appeared in front of her.

Suddenly dobby appeared . "HAI MISS' HE SQUAKED. "IM SLIGHTLY HIFH ON CANDY CANES, IF ID BE EVER SO BOLD, I HAVE YOUR VOUCHER FOR THE DECLARATION OF FREE BALD EAGLES."

Hermioner hummed displeasedly. "I'm sorry, but hthat's not disgusting e3nough. We need something both clever, nmakes sence and is a waste product iopf the body"

Dobby hummed contemplativeltjn8. How about "the Society of Horrendous Iridescent Toads."

"SHIT?"

"Indeed, miss.

"Hmmm, too vulgar, I think. How about the Society of Pinworms, insects and Tapeworms?"

"SPIT? I just don't think it has that same ring to it, dont' you think, miss?

Oh dobby, she muttered,what wouled i do without you?

"Probably go on a tour of Britain maniaclly attepting to chase down horcruxes and getting mugged, mis.."

"Yes, yes you're wuite rigrt. Quite right.{"

She sighed.

"You know, I work for this crack foundation, and-"

"OHNO MISS, YOU PROMISED THAT YOU WOULDN'T TAKE PANADOL ANYMORE!"

"ANYWAYS- i work for this crack foundation, and their stories have been getting stupider, seriouser and less funny. What should I do?"

"WELLL UM WATCH LEGO MOVIE? (Okay peoples don't kill me. Ive watched like a 3rd of it and it's the stupidest and crackiest movie ive ever watched. I watched it in PDHPE class. I don't even know.)

"NO."

"OKAY THEN BAD DOBBY STUPID DOBBY I SHALL GO PUNISH MYSELF NOW. SIGH ILL GET TGHE IRONS OUT NOW MISS. UM,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,IM AN IDIOT AND SHOULD BE PUNISHED- why aren't you sputtering indignantly and reassuring me that im not a slave and should be rewarded for my diligence?

'Because, I'm struck down by a fatal disease. It's terribly contagious. Actually, 2 fatal diseases."

"WHAT? I DONT WANT TO CATCH IT!"  
"i'M afraid you already have."

"What Are they called?

"They are called OOC and Bad writinnnnng/"  
"How can you even say that?

"What, this? ""/"

"It sounds like youre a parcveltongue.:]{{{{P{

Wwell.

Suddenly an big sign Appeared it said voldie is dead at your oewn leisure/.

Dobby: ?

Hermia: ?

Hermione:?

Lysander:?

Demetris: ?

Helena: ?

Lysander: I WANT TO BE CHRISTIAN BALE YOU BASTARD

Hermia: /slaps Lysander/

Lysander: WHAT THE FFFFF-

Hermia: /raises hand threateningly/

Lysander: -FFIRETRUCK.

_The lovers exit_

_Oi, Hermione?"_

"Is there a reason youre speaking in italics, Dobby?

"_no__pe_,

".."

So anyways, i want to rhyme.

Okay..

About hese limes

...

Which are absolutely divine.

Um...

And i love this fork.

That's not an-

Every single tine.

Go die in a hole dobby.

/insert death of Dobby and Harry's subsequent reaction/

On second thoughts, son't

Too late...you fruity date

/Strangles dobby/

/harry's subsequemt reaction/

Oh good god.

"Anyways" said dopbby self imprtanrtly, 'Here is the ballad! !"

"I doubt that you'll be able to create a'-"

_There was once a girl called Granger_

_There was no risk more full of danger_

_Than interrupting her reading_

_"You're the result of inbreeding!"_

_"Oh sorry, I thought you were Malfoy._

_-Was there ever such an impudent boy?_

_So she socked him in the face_

_And everyone did cheer as like a race_

_Especially the ginger headed Ron_

_-If he ate anymore, he'd weigh a ton_

_But then he'd barf up slugs_

_And so he'd have to let go his fetishes about red mugs_

_Because, as everybody knows, slugs and mugs clash terribly together_

_Even worse than wind, hurricane, tornadoes, and, basically, the weather._

_And so, sadly, he had to cut ties_

_With the Bitumen Irritant Ladder Enterprise_

_And then there was Potter._

_Have you ever seen such a rotter?_

_Such a stuck-up attention seeking brat-_

_Even more than Peter Pettigrew, that literal rat._

_And then Gandalf strode in with Dumbledore_

_The latter said: Oh, do stop being a bore._

_The former shouted: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!_

_They just lay there, blades shimmering in the sun, because grass is grass_

_"BALROG!" cried Eragonce._

_"Oi! That's not my name!" "Oh don't be a ponce."_

_"That's my line! Cried an indignant Frodo._

_"Of course it isn't, you ignoramus dodo._

_Said Legolas_

_You Lego ass (Lego-lass?)_

Sprry I ran out of steam said dobby apologetically.

THAT WASN"I EVEN A BALLAD THAT WAS A HALFASSES VERSION OF A LIMERICK!

* * *

**GFFGFGFHNYDYTFDfb jiljhk,gh ffdgtry mjjusrmn beibntet suxckwe sllsd because hgec yedsc aujro termne2 sd sdo libe cant d s wo uyouy cannot ihibit my candy CRAVINGS YEAHHHH OH WAI THTATHTHAT WAS SUPPOSEDTOBEUNREADABLE WHOOPS. I LIKE CHOCOLATE OKAY**

**Um okay I'm sory about this piece of schist please forgive me. I was letting my anger out about how we have to do Shakespeare and an acting piece and I suck at acting, so yeah. Midsummers night dream. Woo. Bottom turns into an ass. Woo.**

**You know, I might expand this into an even worse and longer limerick. YOU CAN GIVE ME IDEAS OKAY.**

**Right, i got my PC back! (not really I just hooked it up to my TV.) So, any readers of Kidnapped (sort of), get ready for some updates! If you haven't unfollowed and unfavourited...**

**BUT ANYWAYS.**


End file.
